I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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