what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
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I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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