Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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