he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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