i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
