So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
