I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
