i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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