i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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