tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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