allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
