I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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