Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
