thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
