That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
