someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
do nipples grow back?
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