I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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