dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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