dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
