pop tarts are not kleenex
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
