Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
