sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
