Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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