First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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