Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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