Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
