I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
