did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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