My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
