six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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