You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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