He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
