I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
