Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
