Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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