I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
