It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
