i already hear my dad disowning me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
