Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
zippers are such a cool invention
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
