Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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