my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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