I just saw a hot homeless man
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we're so committed to being not committed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
