are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
where are my eyebrows?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
