guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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