Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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