Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
