We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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