YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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