I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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