I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
