the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is it penis luge time yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize