I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
