Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
