if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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