He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this will be a night to untag.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
