Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
