shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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