i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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